Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.
1. There’s nothing virtuous about self-loathing, and that there isn’t such a thing as virtue in the first place - there are only actions that validate your existence and actions that waste it. There’s only really pleasure, pain, and death - pleasure is more pleasurable the more you work for it (succeeding at a complex task > binge eating), but spare time for the easy stuff too or you’ll burn out; pain is inevitable but transient so don’t be so scared, (and for the love of god don’t inflict it on yourself because you feel like you ~deserve it, you’re wasting your goddamn time); death is just the end of both things, and the only real “rock bottom” (if you’re still alive, you can still change yourself).
2. You can use this thing called logic to make calls on whether things are real or not. Something is true when it works, something is not true when it stops working. Just because someone is yelling something at you doesn’t mean it’s true; just because someone is more powerful and confident than you doesn’t mean that they’re right.
3. The less you involve your ego in something, the more you’ll get of it. You can spend your life building whole monuments to your ego, but you’ll feel really cheap when you realize that they don’t matter that much to you, because you’re still unfulfilled. Don’t use love or success as reassurance that you are worthy, enjoy these things in and of themselves. You are tiny. You are a really complicated TV aerial that picks up raw data signals and then makes pictures and sounds out of them. Enjoy that process.
4. Give love. Don’t worry so much about getting love, it will come to you if you make yourself open to it. Pity isn’t love. Praise isn’t love, although it can come with it. Trying to manipulate these things out of people isn’t going to keep you satisfied for very long, and it will ultimately put even more distance between yourself and them, leaving you even more lonely. People generally won’t resent you for reaching out to them, people will resent you for using them as a one-sided repository for your emotional needs. There’s a difference.
5. Don’t wait around for someone to define sexual experience for you. You are the subject, not the object.